How do I reconcile with someone? #What if they have offended me? I, too, struggle with reconciliation. I’m prideful and don’t want to admit I’m wrong. The trouble is, the other person is prideful, too. Now what do I do? Neither of us are coming to the table to talk things out, yet, I don’t want to stay mad forever, and I don’t want to be bitter for the rest of my life. How do I reconcile with someone? Here is some Biblical and practical advice.

• Pray for the Holy Spirit’s help. Ask him for conviction and convincing of the truth. If you are a Christian, he dwells within you and that’s his job, his ministry (John 16:7-16 )
• Read the Word of God, especially from the book of Proverbs. I choose that book because there are principles of wisdom, truth, and reconciliation throughout Proverbs.
• If there is any truth to an accusation against you, or God convicts you that you have done wrong, humbly admit it to that person you offended (Matthew 5:23-24) Maybe you were angry and said some things you shouldn’t have said. Maybe you accused them of something they didn’t do. Perhaps what you said to another person was true, but did you have to say it? Were you considerate of their health or feelings? How did you say it–in love or in anger? A-a-ah-before you object, remember, this is not a time to justify your actions or make excuses. You are only humbly focusing on how you might have done wrong. Regardless of how they respond, you will be free from guilt when you confess your wrongs.
• Confess your sins or faults to God, asking Him for forgiveness (1John 1:9). The person you have a conflict is one of his creation, and if the friend or loved one is a Christian, he is part of God’s family. If you are mean to that person, God will be angry with you.
• Ask the person you offended for their forgiveness. What? you may say. Can’t I just explain my actions? Explaining is justification. Well, Isn’t saying I’m sorry enough? Sometimes, if you are contrite they will forgive you, but true humility puts the relationship in the other person’s hand. Ask for their forgiveness. You have not because you ask not.
• If you are sincere, God will forgive you, and maybe right away or in time, if you prove you are genuinely repentant, the offended person will forgive you. Nevertheless, you have opened the door for someone else to forgive you. Pray for that person and leave the relationship in God’s hands. He will work on their hearts.

What if they have offended me?

First, after you pray for the Holy Spirit’s help, look for the right opportunity to deal with this. Most often, this should be done one on one directly with them and right away, don’t let bitterness grow in you. In some cases, maybe you just misunderstood what they were trying to say. Give them the benefit of the doubt; we don’t always say things right. Second, be ready to forgive. If God forgives us, shouldn’t we be willing to forgive others? Third, don’t slander them or gossip about them. Not only does this make it harder to forgive, but like a pillow ripped open, you may not be able to regather all the feathers that blow to the wind. You could be embarrassed and humiliated. Third, if it is important and you can’t let the offense go, you may need to bring other godly people into the conversation (Matthew 18:15-20) This is all done out of love, not vengeance. The goal is always reconciliation, not taking revenge.