Love and Romance; the Song of Solomon 

Falling in love is the easy part. How do we stay in love? Is that possible? Good question. Got an answer? Please put your ideas in the comment section at the end (even if you are single) so we can all benefit.

Biblical Love and Romance begin with Attraction between Opposite Sexes

This is the way God made us. When love is new, lovers share an abundance of compliments, their words drip like honey from their mouths, and they give gifts with one another. They share a strong physical attraction and want to be close all the time. There is a gleam in their eyes and a dreamy look on their faces. Butterflies twitter in their stomachs as they anticipate being together.  

If we ask her about her lover, she will talk with animation and excitement about his virtues. If we ask him about her, he will point out how lovely and caring she is. Over time, however, romantic love seems to wane. How do we keep love strong and vibrant?  

Timeline. Map. Go to today’s Bible reading (note: I have linked to the dramatized audio version this time because I like it. You can listen to it or choose your own version. Use your browser arrow to return): Song of Solomon; Psalm 45

Overview of the Song of Solomon 

Erotic romantic love is the love the author of the Song of Solomon describes in his dramatic lyrical poem. The language of the book, however, is unfamiliar to many people because most people in this world don’t live in an agricultural society of sheep-herders, wheat and barley farmers, and winegrowers. Still, there are many lessons we can apply from Solomon’s Song of Songs.  

When we read this Song, we might think this young woman was his first wife. Probably not; Solomon’s beloved was from Lebanon (Song of Solomon 4:8, 11, 15). His first wife was from Egypt, and Solomon had many wives and concubines (secondary wives, 1Kings 11:1-3). She is, however, the most loved (Song of Solomon 6:8-9). 

Solomon was a godly king in his early reign, but his example doesn’t prove that God condones multiple marriages; he doesn’t. God warned Israelite Kings not to multiply wives. Later, God’s Son, Jesus Christ, would say that in the beginning of creation, God made one male and one female for intimacy and procreation (1Kings 11:4-14; Mark 10:6-12). 

Love and Romance 

In their desire for physical love, King Solomon and his new bride exchange words of love between each other in quick erotic expressions, which make their hearts (and our hearts) beat faster in anticipation. Because of this, many of us are uncomfortable with this love song. Why would the LORD put such an erotic story in the Bible? Because God approves making love within the boundaries of marriage. The physical relationship between husband and wife in marriage is a gift from God to be cherished and enjoyed (Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 5:15-19). 

King Solomon and his bride boast of the love and admiration they feel for each other. They look forward to being together and cannot bear to be apart. Sometimes an over obsession with a lover, however, can lead to suspicion and fears of losing him. She reveals her anxieties in a dream (see chapter 5).  

How Do We Overcome Our Fears and Suspicions? 

Trust, continual reassurance, and careful attention to the relationship are necessary for marriages to remove fear and suspicions and to thrive.   

To stay in love, we should express compliments, praise, and be careful that we are devoted to our spouse in all our words and actions. Men should know that women like appreciation for their beauty, character, and what they do for their household. Ladies should know that men want admiration for their strength, honor, and achievements. Whether we are newlyweds or have been married longer, we can learn from this Song that we should encourage one another with words and actions of love.

Leaving and Cleaving Seals our Commitment for Love and Romance 

When two people get married, they each leave their father and mother and cling to their spouse to become one flesh and form a new family unit (Genesis 2:24). In describing Solomon’s wedding with his most beloved bride (Psalm 45), this is the advice the Psalmist gives to her.

Some men and women have difficulty leaving their mother or father because they are emotionally dependent upon them. A momma’s boy or daddy’s girl could bring trouble, unhappiness, anger, and jealousy into a marriage. They each need to break these emotional ties and cling to their spouse so that they might feel free to have their own lives. They should do this and still honor their parents as God requires (Exodus 20:12)

Leaving and cleaving makes us feel loved. A woman feels more secure in the relationship, and a man feels more respected. This is essential, and this one step can lead to more romance and intimacy!  If you are married and have had conflicts about this, courageously take a step back from your parents and a step toward your spouse. Try it out and bring your relationship up to the next level. Experience what it is like to be one in body and spirit, and receive God’s pleasure.

Some unmarried people want desperately to get married. I was once one of those people. I was given this wise advice:

Wait on the LORD to Bring Love and Romance

Principles for Singles 

Much of the Song of Solomon focuses on the erotic love between a husband and his wife. What is there for singles to do or apply? To the unmarried women (and this could easily apply to single men) Solomon’s wife gives this advice: Do not awaken love until it so desires (Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4). In other words, do not force love. Wait on the LORD to gently bring it to pass.

Singles of whatever age or situation in life can also learn the importance of encouraging and speaking appropriate words of love to those who need to hear it (not erotic words, of course).  This is so needed in our world, and you will never lose your attractiveness if you do that.

Most single people have a lot of freedom. They can use that freedom to build a close relationship with God, serve him and trust him for their fulfillment. A single person can have a lot of joy if he or she would take this advice.

Remember, regardless of societies’ pressure on us, whether single or married, we can find our fulfillment in God. His loving arms are ready to receive anyone who draws close to him. Take a risk and love God. He won’t disappoint you.