How do we live with and love difficult people? That is the subject of our text: Romans 12: 17-21
I. Living at peace with everyone
In the park ministry yesterday, Mario, one of our deacons, talked about how Jesus is the vine and we are the branches (John 15) and how we then produce fruit by being connected to the vine. I thought of how this that relates so much to today’s text. I thought of how we as fallen human beings don’t have good fruit produced on our own. In fact, if you think about how fruit juice comes out of fruit, it comes out when it’s smashed.
My daughter, Caitlin, asked me the other day how apple cider was made. I said, Babe, they just smash apples.
That’s it?
Yep, that’s it and life is like that when we have things pressing in like tension, hard times, and relationship struggles. When those start pressing in on us, that is when what is inside our real character a lot of times comes out. Jesus said it’s no credit to you if you love those who love you. If you’re kind to those who are kind to you, he said anybody can do that. He said even the gentiles do that.
But, you are to love your enemies. That’s why Christ came. We were enemies of God, and he came while we were still sinners and died for us. So he said, you do the same. We have to ask the question when tensions come, relationships are hard, or people are jerks, so how do you respond in those moments?
Illustration: When I lived in Florida, we had orange trees and we had kumquat trees. We don’t really get kumquats up here because people don’t buy kumquats from Florida because they’re disgusting! They are somehow sourer than a lemon. They look like a tiny little orange so if you were to have one for the first time, you’re expecting sweetness and what you get is the most bitter thing you’ve ever tasted. What I’m saying is, when we’re squeezed as believers we’re supposed to be producing sweetness like an orange, and it’s devastating to a world that opens us up and they find out that we’re really sour.
Today’s Bible Text: Romans 12: 17-21
We need Christ and that is why the perspective of Romans is so important. Really, all that we have comes from him and all we do comes out of this love for our savior who gave his all for us. We were enemies of God, so why would we not love our enemies? Romans 12:17 says,
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink, for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
We’re gonna break this down. We’re going to talk about living peaceably with everyone
First, “if it’s possible,” and
Second, “as far as it depends on you”
–those two statements. Then, we’re going to get into loving your enemies. We’re going to talk about how to bless your enemies. First, own your stuff, then bless your enemies.
What does the Apostle Paul, the writer of Romans, mean by “heaping burning coals on your head?” It seems out of place. These verses are all about love and loving your enemies, and then it’s “heap burning coals on his head.” What’s up with that? We’ll end by talking about it.
1A. If it’s possible to live with and love difficult people
“if it’s possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Before that verse he’s talking about not repaying evil for evil then returns to talking about enemies, but in the middle, “if it’s possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people.” Don’t we want that deep in our hearts– to live at peace with all people? And yet, it is so elusive is it not?
Why would it not be possible to live at peace with some people? Why, I thought everyone was good, there’s no sin, there’s no need for Jesus to die on the cross for people. If everyone is good, and we don’t need Jesus, then why is it so picking hard to live peaceably with people, even the people that are closest to you? Right? Sometimes, you find that the people that are close to us are the hardest people to live peaceably with.
Why even ask that question? Of course, there’s all kinds of reasons why it is hard to live peaceably with people, and why it’s not possible. Many people are sinful, manipulative, controlling, easily angered, or self-focused. And so, when you live with people, you’re gonna have some of that tension because of the brokenness that exists inside all of us. But I love what he says here, I love this phrase, “if possible.” I don’t know about you, but it’s very freeing to me.
BEWARE of Two extremes when dealing with difficult people:
1. Savior complex (you can change this person)
You know what my problem is –I have a savior complex. I’m just gonna admit it. It’s like I want to save the world. I want to help people. I want to minister to people, and I have a shepherd’s heart. A pastor should have that, but I want to fix everything, and if there’s a broken relationship with me and someone else, I’m going to win them over. It may take years, but I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna win him over.
As a youth pastor, I had this one youth, She wouldn’t come to youth group for weeks, and then I’m worried about her. She and her parents didn’t go to church. Add all kinds of addiction issues, and I just cared about her. I felt bad always asking her why. I’d keep it light like “Hey, I hope to see you this Wednesday for youth group.” It’s so hard when you’re trying to reach people and love people, and you just can’t and it’s frustrating.
Some of us have a bit of a Savior complex.
Illustration:
When I was working at the boys’ home (if you don’t know, Heidi and I worked at a boys’ home before church ministry, right out of college. It’s for state custody kids, and for these kids my heart was broken so many times. They came from very broken home situations.
I’d see kids waiting for their dad to come to visit them and he never showed up. They were just teenage boys, bawling.
I kind of took on a father figure in their life, and I took that very seriously, and then my own son Tommy, when he was probably 1 1/2 had some bruises on his legs. After I would pick up some kids, I would have to go pick him up from school, and he was in his car seat in the back. He’s crying in his carseat as babies do and the teenager was sitting up. This kid sitting right beside my son Tommy got his arm over in the seat and Tommy’s scream goes from a normal to a pain scream, and I said, “Hector, I need you to get your hand out of the car seat.”
“Why?”
“I just need you to do it.”
There’s no way that kid would have admitted to doing this so I wasn’t even gonna try to go there. It would have been a waste of my time. I said just I want you to get your hand out. I end up finding bruises on Tommy after that– little bruises. so then I’m stuck– what do I do? I care about these kids. I’m a father figure in their life, but my own son is being hurt.
Then we end up having a kid who was a child molester come into our home! We didn’t even know about it.
Our directors didn’t tell us, and it was like, what do I do? We decided that this wasn’t the best ministry for us with our kids when they were little, so we went into church ministry, which is what we went to school for.
I remember having such a hard time with our decision. I was talking to the director. He said TJ don’t be so prideful to think that you are the savior of these kids. He said God will bring someone else along. OK, you had an impact, but sometimes you have to pass the baton. I learned a lesson through that. And I continually learn lessons in this area where I gotta fix it, I’ve gotta work through the relationship, and sometimes it’s not possible. It wasn’t possible in that situation for me to live peaceably with these guys and be the father God has called me to be a father to my kids and the husband to my wife, who was really struggling at that moment.
What is it for your situation in your life? Maybe your spouse needs to come before someone else, a good close friend that is causing issues in your marriage, an in-law situation where you realize that I’m to leave and cleave to my spouse above everyone else. I have to let this go. It’s not possible for me to do both. Or maybe it’s a situation where someone manipulates you and constantly controls you.
If you try and patiently love people to God… if you have more of a shepherds heart… people that you can’t help or broken relationships will lean very heavy on you.
I was helping a guy that I met. He didn’t call, he didn’t come to the park or anything but someone in the park knew him, and he was young, and he got a job right out of prison, even though he had had heroin issues. He got a job right away, and I saw he wants to do something.
I’m like, Cool, I can be a part of seeing this guy restored, and I want so badly to see the broken restored, so I want to be a part of this. I start hanging out with this guy, and he came to church for a while ago here at Riverside, and then he just started using me. I’ve never been in such a manipulative relationship in my life. It was rough. I mean every time I would go do something with him, it was like he needed this and he needed that and he needed me to do this. It was always something every single time, and it involved money and time. I never knew what it was going to be.
Once, I told him I couldn’t. He got so mad at me in the car I thought he was gonna fight me right there as I was driving. It was that bad, so I had to let go of that relationship.
I remember hanging with Steve I said to him about this man, “I just can’t do this anymore.”
He said, “tell him you can’t. Text him.”
When I did, I said, “Man, I’m just done, bro, I’m just done. I love you but this is not helping you.”
I still care for that guy, but I have to realize that it’s not possible to love that difficult person.
You can’t save everyone, and you can’t fix every relationship!
Are you a resource or a friend?
Some people will try and manipulate or control you. Doing the right thing and what God has called you to do will distance yourself from those people, and that’s okay!
The Lord uses people to work on you. He uses people, and he uses his Word, the Bible, and if you have this Word, then you’ll know how to deal with people. But if you don’t go to his Word. you’re going to be tossed about the waves, as James says, because you’re going to have no idea ’cause people are tough. OK? You’re going to need the creator of people who knows the human heart in the human mind to help you know how to navigate relationships.
Romans 5:5 gives some perspective on how we get our joy, peace and love from God most high, from the king of kings, from our Lord and savior. It can’t be from people and sometimes even pastors forget that at times. I just want to have an impact. We can’t when we we take our sense of purpose out of fixing this relationship or helping this person. There is some good there, but we cannot allow it to be our full identity. Romans 5:5 says this:
“Hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. He is our Comforter.”
You catch that phrase God’s love has been poured into your heart. OK, so you can live this life to love people and leave and let go at times and still stay full of peace and joy and love because it comes from God Most High first before you get any love from anyone else. I have found that that is where I have to stay centered and focused, not that I deserve it, but that he gives it to me and I am so blessed by that.
So may that be our focus. All right? That’s not extreme, yes, that’s true, but yet at the same time the truth of letting people go can be twisted like, I have to let it go. I have to because it’s not possible for me to be at peace with this person.
Romans 5:5
Do not let people who don’t like you defeat you! The love of God has been poured out in your heart through the Holy Spirit and that is all you need!
Is there someone in your life that tries to control you or they are placed above the relationships that God has given you as number 1 priority?! An in- law that tries to control your family possibly? Friends that take priority over your kids? Seriously?
OK, so where are you on that? Think about that as we go through this. Who in your life is very hard to love? Who in your life do you not have peace with? There’s tension when you think about those people.
Yet this truth can be twisted—sometimes people give up too easily on relationships because they don’t need difficult people in their lives….The whole cancel culture.
I’ve seen Facebook posts about this and wondered how many people are cancelled that they could reconcile with!
2. Self-Protection against Difficult People
Maybe you can easily cancel people out. It’s like doing time in jail for difficult people in your life.
But sometimes we tend to go, “OK. well, um, I don’t need no difficult people in my life. Right? That’s cancel culture. This person is difficult! This person made a mistake, and we immediately cut him off. That is a dangerous thing, so there’s kind of that tension there and you’re going to have to ask God for wisdom in relationships. Ask him for wisdom. Go to the Lord because it’s not always an easy answer.
The other extreme is that self protection mode. I’m done with this person! I can’t have them in my life anymore. That’s where it comes to this statement: first– if it’s possible
The next phrase in this passage is for those who can too easily let by gone’s be by gone’s
1B. As far as it depends on you
This is when you have done everything in your power to reconcile or address an issue. If it’s possible, as far as it depends on me, I’m going to do all that I can to reconcile this with this person, and if they will not reconcile with me, then I may have to keep them in in arms length, but I still love them and I still have love in my heart towards them.
There’s two differences here, positional forgiveness and transactional forgiveness. I have to remind myself of this all the time because I often catch myself questioning have I done all that I could have I done?
Positional Forgiveness
That kid went to jail or prison two different times, came out two different times and bold. And the second time, I was right back believing that he’s going to make it right this time, and the same thing happened again. It was just it was hard, but at the end of the day I wanted to know that I did all that I could. Did I do all that I can? I can’t because God loves him as much as he loves me.
If it weren’t for Christ and what he’s done in my life, I could very well be where this guy is at. In fact, I knew his background his upbringing was very rough, and it’s like my heart had compassion for him for that. God can redeem him and restore him, but what I would see each time would not be a full surrender to the Lord. His situation was always one foot in, one foot out. I told him, “some things you just wouldn’t listen to me on.” It’s like, “man you need to get that you can’t have that person in your life. I wouldn’t be hanging around those guys.”
“Oh, it’s you know,”…and he wouldn’t listen. It’s like it was such a hard thing to know how to navigate for him.
Let me ask you this: Do you have a position of forgiveness towards anyone that’s hurt you in your life and tried to control you or manipulate you or even worse hurt someone that you love. Our position there should always be a position of forgiveness where you hold love and compassion in your heart regardless of the status of the relationship, which Paul is referring to what he says here in verse 14 in Romans 12, going back a couple verses, “Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them.” That is not an easy thing to do when someone has really hurt you or they hurt someone you love. However, we’re called to love these people.
You may not have the relationship restored. You may still have this broken relationship, but your heart is to see them restored and to see them come back to see that relationship restored. And yet, you are content, knowing that you’ve done all that you can do, and you rest in that. But your heart is to bless them. One way you bless them is you pray for you and pray for him. Hold love and compassion in your heart regardless of the
status of the relationship.
Transactional Forgiveness
Transactional forgiveness occurs when wrongs are recognized. This is really what we’re after when broken relationships happen. When you’re trying to live at peace with somebody, and somebody hurts you or hurts somebody you love, your goal is to experience reconciliation.
The best way for that to happen is the way we see modeled in Scripture. You go to that person first and foremost, and you seek to restore that relationship. You go straight to them. If they’ve heard you and the very humble and gentle way you share with them what it was that they did, you may have a chance at reconciliation. Please keep in mind, however, that they may not even know they offended you, so be gentle. Your goal is to restore and reconcile the relationship. Hopefully, prayerfully, they will respond apologetically, and they want to make it right. If they do, they and you move on with your relationship restored. That might be only something God can help you with. If this is the case, it is a miracle!
Transactional Forgiveness doesn’t happen enough in this life. Praise God because you followed his Word. Praise him and give him all the glory. You say to God, you reconciled this relationship that was broken.
It’s like the father Jesus tells in the story of the prodigal son. The father is always waiting. In fact, when the son is is far off and coming home, they didn’t have cell phones. The son didn’t text dad and say, dad I’m on my way home.
What’s happening is the father is there waiting for his son. He’s watching and when his son comes, he runs to his son and embraces him. That’s our heart. Our heart should be that of reconciliation.
We want that to happen, but many times that doesn’t happen. So it’s not possible to live at peace, but you still have a position of forgiveness in your heart towards that person. You are in a healthy place when you can leave the relationship, but you truly do want that person to be blessed and to grow.
Transactional Forgiveness occurs when wrongs are recognized, heartfelt repentance is experienced and the relationship is restored.
II. Loving Difficult People
Now last, this Scripture passage is talking about living peaceably with people and dealing with conflict, but what do you do with people that are like your enemy? Maybe you’ve tried to deal with that conflict, and they responded out of hate, like they raged against you.
Here’s the thing: God wants to save you from from destroying anything on your part in that relationship, so you cling to him, and then when you cling to him sweetness comes out. But when you don’t cling to him, sourness comes out, and Satan wants to use those tension conversations, those frustrating times with somebody in your life where the sour comes out.
Maybe someone even close to you becomes your enemy, and that’s what Satan wants to do–sour you, destroy you. In I Peter he says the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone whom to devour. How he does it a lot of times is through relationships. He wants to devour you so that you despair. He wants you to make some huge mistakes in a relationship.
OK, you lose your temper, say some things you shouldn’t have said, you hurt that person, and then you either despair or you’re this terrible person. Then you hurt this person, and the relationship is broken and irreparable. You are terrible for ruining that relationship, and it’s all on you.
Satan wants to cause you to despair or he wants to damn you to despair or wants to damn you to pride, where you are like, “I didn’t do anything wrong–that’s all on them.” He gets you to focus completely on that other person problems and that other person’s mistakes, and so you feel pretty good about yourselves. Satan will destroy your life with pride and despair.
How do we deal with difficult people?
First things first: Own your stuff. What does the scriptures teach? We have to have love in our heart for our enemies, so we will seek to repent if we’ve done anything wrong. Own your stuff you have done.
Maybe there’s somebody in your life that that you have said or done some things that you know deep down like God convicted you about. You know it was wrong, but you never actually asked that person for forgiveness. You’ve never actually said. “hey, you know I made some mistakes and I am so sorry, and I hope our relationship can be reconciled at some point.”
They may have done some crazy things, right? You’re thinking, but pastor you don’t know they have done this and this and this. All right, you can’t control that, but you say, I’ve done everything in my power to reconcile if it’s possible with me. I’ve done everything. I’ve recognized what I did was wrong, and they may not recognize what they did was wrong.
Guess what? The transaction has still not happened; there is no transactional reconciliation at that point, but you can carefully do your part. You’re gonna have to be careful with that and still have love in your heart towards that person, while you hope and pray that there is full transactional reconciliation.
I believe in our reconciliation. I’ve seen from my life there is everything in between no reconciliation and full reconciliation.
There’s some people that just can’t stand me. They just do not like me because I said something or did something they do not like. There were times where I did something trying to follow God’s Word, and they don’t like me. I’ve tried everything, and I’m never gonna be close to this person. I’m OK with that ’cause I’ve done everything I could.
There’s other situations where I knew that God put in my heart I need to ask this person for forgiveness for something I shouldn’t have done or said, and they they were like, “hey, I forgive you.”
And they did some things, but I’m not going to say, “but you did this.” That’s not how apologies work, right? God has to work on them. I just let that happen. I like God work on them, and if they don’t ever repent then there’s not going to be a close relationship. There just isn’t that trust there. But, we can still talk.
And then there are the ones where that full transaction happens in church, in your marriages, and with your kids that should happen a lot. That transactional stuff should happen quite a bit, where you know, “hey. I said something just I didn’t mean to say it that way, and I didn’t mean how you heard it.
You are in a healthy place when you can leave the relationship but you truly do want that
person to be blessed and to grow!- Bless your enemy
This is the person that has tried to attack you, they have tried to falsely accuse
you or hurt someone you love.
READ ****-Matthew 5:43-45 - Heap burning coals on His head by doing good to him.
This phrase seems completely out of place to the 21 st century reader
First look at the way it is written and the context—
On the CONTRARY—contrary to what…..avenging yourself.
The context suggests a loving heart towards your enemy. So why the burning
coals?
Commentator Leon Morris “a most unlikely procedure if taken literally” 1
SIDENOTE—One of the ways you can tell if it’s figurative or literal—if a literal reading and
application is absurd Example—Brianna seeing a lady with no hand
William Klassen —points to a custom in Egyptian literature whereby a penitent
person carried coals of fire in a bowl
“In the Egyptian literature and in Proverbs the ‘coals of fire’ is a dynamic symbol
of change of mind which takes place as a result of a deed of love. ”
The Good deeds then are with the GOAL of winning the person over so that the TRANSACTION
OF FORGIVENESS CAN TAKE PLACE. If that doesn’t happen then God will deal with the person–
- God is not mocked, a man reaps what he sows. Yet that is in God’s hands, you are to patiently
pray and hope that this person reconciles JUST as GOD has done for YOU!
1 Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI; Leicester,
England: W.B. Eerdmans; Inter-Varsity Press, 1988), 454.
but did you feel attacked by what I said I’m sorry you know that those kinds of things because what sane wants to do and he’s doing this in America in a big way he wants to destroy your family he wants your kids to be your enemies he wants your spouse to be your enemy and he will use that human nature without being connected to the vine to do it and he will destroy your life it’s just like with my professor at Moody said wow back he said if they did a playbook on you where would he hit you your weakness what is it where would he where would he destroy your life and he said if you think you can just coast through the Christian life and not stay connected to the vine he’s going to eat you for lunch man don’t forget he’s going to eat she’s gonna devour you that’s what he wants to do and biblically we cannot produce that fruit on our own so we need to stay connected to the vine that’s why Paul says work out your salvation work it out with fear and trembling knowing that you have an enemy that prowls around like a roaring lion seeking move hour so work it out how do you work out while I was saved by recognizing that I’m a Sinner and Jesus forgave me so how am I gonna grow feel like I’m pretty hot stuff like I’m better than everybody else right if I do that then I can never repent to anybody I can never recognize when I made a mistake no no I stay humble I say Lord Lord I’m still still living in this broken body of mine help me help me to love people and to love my enemies ’cause man I can’t do it on my own so first own your stuff with your enemies love your enemies own your stuff then bless your enemy Jesus says in Matthew chapter 5 verse 43 through 45 he says this you have heard that it was said you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy but I say to you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you so that you may be sons of your father who is in heaven and he ends this section with you therefore must be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect oh you see what he’s doing he’s talking to the Jewish people who have been duped by the Pharisees to think that they could hold up the law and so they don’t need someone to save them from their sins they thought they had it all figured out I’ve never killed anybody juice have you hated someone your heart you killed him in your heart oh and by the way if you really want to be righteous you wanna be like me the king of kings who came down to love and died for his enemies you wanna you wanna be right before God you gotta love your entities and pray for those who persecute guys I’m terrible at that on my own like I want justice I want to do everything if I want to have a TJ Holmes way I do everything to reconcile with somebody everything I could and then when they won’t reconcile with me and they become my enemy to just may I I want them to be miserable I want them to have bad things happen in their life that’s cursing in my heart isn’t that sad that’s what I am apart from Christ but Christ is constantly like you better pray for that person you’re starting to have some bitterness in your heart and you need to pray for that person and you need to have love in your heart for that person and so it is only by God’s grace and his his Holy Spirit that his his love one way that his Holy Spirit poured out my heart is nothing he comfort me but he reminds me of what I need to do at times and that is a comfort ’cause that doesn’t come from me that comes from him he’s reminding me how to love this enemy in my life that has hurt someone that I that I love yes so let’s do that church let’s bless our enemies now lastly keep burning coals on his head what in the world this phrase seems completely out of place for the 21st century reader we’re like OK so you’d love love love love love love at the end overcome evil with good well how is that if my whole intention of my heart I thought God saw the heart and if my whole intention of the heart is to make them miserable and to harm them place like deep down I want them to be harmed someone do good things to you know like is that what he’s referring to here not by any means first so how do we know that first look at the way it is written On the contrary he says well On the contrary of what well On the contrary of seeking vengeance of wanting to harm that person so instead of wanting to harm that person he says do good to them and you heat burning coals on their head So what does that mean if I’m not supposed to have vengeance towards them but I’m supposed to heat burning coals On the contrary how is that even contrary a deep study into how the 1st century audience would have heard this will help you understand I this was really cool as I was studying this I always thought that this meant you know I felt like the heart of God and the heart of Jesus was you know the the heaping of burning coals was making them feel they would feel guilty for what they did because you’re so loving towards them and then they would be like man I could when I apologize to them maybe I just did one little thing wrong that it’s like I should have said that may be a little different and it’s like man I don’t I didn’t do anything wrong no but maybe I could love them by by recognizing the one thing that I did and they may have done 100 things to me and I’m not going to say anything about what they said hoping that the Holy Spirit will convict them and they will feel sorrow in their heart and they will feel Pennant and they will want to reconcile with me and my whole goal in that is reconciliation where we can be close again or maybe we never work close and we I want to be that with that person and I always thought the heart of that was was there but there was no way to really prove it in the text and well how do you prove something like this how do you know well you don’t take it literally I love it one commentator said he said this he said um it’s almost it’s almost kinda comical commentator Leon Morris he said referring to the heaping of burning coals on his head a most unlikely procedure is taken literally thought it was hilarious like like he had just said that jokingly you know just makes me laugh almost unlikely procedure taken literally and that is very true when you’re when you’re studying the word of God here’s here’s one way to help you study the word of God if the ’cause it’s always hard to separate the figurative from the literal how do you separate those well one principle for that yes you can call you can contact all these other principles one principle is if it is absurd or involves something wrong then it’s obviously figurative it’s not literal it’s not being to be taken literally like when Jesus said lop off your hand gouge out your eye did he mean literal well that’s absurd and if you love off one I still can last with the other I so obviously he’s not referring to cut off her hand you hear something crazy this side here this this is crazy story but this this this is this is an example for this and the reason why I show this because when people take scripture out of context and not the way it was meant to be taken they can do some crazy stuff so bring it up calls however you won’t believe what’s going on in my house this lady was walking up this hill right by her house holding her arm and it’s just blood pouring everywhere her hand was cut off there’s no hand she’s just holding her arm and she said the lady was just walking, as collective as can be and she had two little kids behind her she’s walking up the hill somebody eventually calls the ambulance I Brianna was about two and then somebody else did the ambulance comes she sees the ambulance come and brain isn’t talking to somebody one of the policemen repair Max which is probably not supposed to say this stuff but they just said it they told her she’s like what happened the guy said I said she cut it off what she said the the paramedic or whoever it was that old brainless said when we asked her where her hand was she said God doesn’t want you to know that what I don’t know exactly what happened but it can be assumed maybe she heard that verse that’s the only thing in mind maybe she heard that verse in scripture whereas like cut off your hand gouge out your eye maybe she did something wrong with one of her hands she hurt one of her I don’t know and she cut off her hand because she took that literally like that’s what people can do some crazy stuff especially if they’re little you know but that that’s an example of how you can’t take something literally in scripture and how do you know when to separate the literal from figurative when the literal is absurd when it’s absolutely absurd you don’t take your literally and so you’re not gonna go heaping burning coals in somebody’s head well So what what is being men here a little study into the culture another thing that will help you is you look into the culture so the Gyptian culture of the time helps us understand this William Clawson a commentator said this and points to what Paul is pointing to here is a custom in the Egyptian literature whereby a penitent person carried coals of fire in a bowl where they were they they knew that they were wrong about something and they would carry it was a symbol that they were guilty and they were accepting their guilt and you just think like he even takes it even a step further and it’s not even carrying the ball it’s heaping it on their head I don’t know if you ever had somebody come up to you and you know you’ve done some things pretty You know you you gotta do a fight with them you know and you said some things you shouldn’t have said you feel bad about it and they come to you and apologize for what they did and all along you’ve been thinking there the jerk and now you really feel like a jerk like I I felt that way if you ever happen you’re like man and then immediately usually you’re like you know what I am very sorry for what I did it’s like they are taking that that that guilt they’re accepting it and in the end that’s a good thing because it brings about reconciliation so you see the whole so that fits that trans that that interpretation of this this phrase fits with the context where you’re willing to bless your enemies you’re wanting to reconcile your wanting to love your enemies you’re wanting to live peaceably with everyone so do good to them when you do good to them they’re gonna feel some acceptance for what they did and then you can reconcile that relationship and so church that is what this is saying and that is what God how God wants us to treat our enemies and those who have hurt us may we may we love them in such a way that Christ is glorified because he has loved us deeper than we could ever love other people one thing I always like to say along these lines is I always struggle with forgiving people for when they do something that I would not do there’s some sins that I’m guilty of that I could see myself doing and then there are other things and it’s like I would never do that why would they do that that is when it’s really hard for me to give forgive people because I can’t put myself in their shoes so much but I’m supposed to forgive as Christ is forgiven me do you think Christ can put himself in our shoes in the sense of he’s like oh I know it’s like I’ve done all that stuff and I understand so I’ll forgive you absolutely not right he who was with alsin became sin and took on our sin to restore us and reconcile us wow he can’t he didn’t do what we did he can identify with the consequences of sin ’cause he took it on himself on the cross but you guys we’re supposed to forgive people the same way not we may not understand why somebody did something and I tried to sometimes I sit there well how does this logically why would they do this sometimes you just don’t even try to figure it out why they did it don’t even try to figure it out just forgive because that’s what God does for us and love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you and live peaceably as far as it depends on you and church if you can’t then you’ve done everything sleep well sleep well don’t let the enemy drive you to despair if you’ve done all that you can trust the Lord and lean on him and let him fill you up and just know that you’ve done all you can and and live peaceably let’s close with some prayer so we sing that we’re gonna sing this last song the goodness of God I just think of how good God is to us you think of all the things as we sing this song I want you to encourage you to think of all the things that you’ve done in your life that God knows that you’ve done that he’s forgiven you trump and made that connection to the vine just fill your heart in such a way that it spills over to other people I mean he get the glory father we thank you that you are so good to us you’re so good that you’re it’s worthy to sing about of all the things that the world sings about that they think is good there’s nothing better than to sing to your glory there’s nothing better to sing about how good of a God you are so Lord I pray that your goodness will be seen through and how we love other people how we forgive and how we live free of bitterness and Lord we recognize just as with with you you you desire that none should perish but many do or we should have that same heart our desire is that we would have peace with everyone but there would be people that we can’t have peace with and so Lord we rest in you in that we give that to you as well your name Amen